View Relationships:Being Single
Single? What will that have to do with your life in Japan? You’re a mature woman who can take a relationship or leave it. You are an INDEPENDENT woman!
Skip this section then - I guarantee you’ll come back to it at some point during your time here.
Most heterosexual single Western women in Japan agree that their being single is not a matter of choice, but is due to the feeling that they cannot meet suitable partners in Japan, foreign or Japanese. Most Western women’s criteria for potential partners are not met by Japanese men, and for this we should not ‘blame’ Japanese men (which is an easy option), but recognise that it is because of our expectations that Japanese men do not seem attractive. As for Western men, according to my research, many are in or prefer relationships with Japanese women.
At the same time, it is important to remember that even in your home country, potential partners were not everywhere just waiting for you to date them. If you are looking for a guy who is physically bigger than you, will take the initiative in the relationship physically or emotionally, will regard you on an equal level and share the same basic value system, then you are in for a tough ride wherever you are.
Of course there are Western men who may or may not have had Japanese girlfriends here who would prefer a partner from a country and culture more similar to their own. Most heterosexual Western women say that these men make the best partners in Japan, but are difficult to come by.
It seems just as difficult for a lesbian to meet prospective partners in Japan. Whereas you have had years and various methods by which to establish friends who are aware of and comfortable with your sexuality in your home country, it can be like coming out all over again in Japan in terms of developing a new social group and support network. Homophobia in Japan doesn’t seem to manifest itself in quite such a violent manner as it does in some countries, but this isn’t a country where being open and frank about anything is welcomed with open arms.